I'm the "Side Chick"

Yes, you read the title correctly. I'm doing the opposite of Draya <catch ALL the shade> and accepting my past, and sometimes present. Don't worry. I'll answer your questions now.

Who admits they're the side chick? Well now a days... EVERYONE. The shit is damn near glorified. <all hail Angela, Olivia, the side chick Hall of Fame that is the Love and Hip Hop Series>

However, I want to take a different approach to the side chick. Imagine, a side chick being something that isn't actually taboo. I mean, we all know the standard or, should I say, assumed, definition of a side chick.

1.The "other" woman

2. The second option

3. The one you go to when the "main" isn't "on their job"

You get the point.

I'm sure there are thousands of different ways to "define" what a side chick means to us, but I'm going to pick a less popular definition.

Imagine this. WE [ I mean each and every person] are the side chicks to our lives. To ourselves. To our significant others.

Don't get me wrong, there are times when we may find ourselves being the Olivia to Fitz or the Angela [minus or not the death threats] to James St. Patrick, but those are situations that we can voluntarily and KNOWINGLY walk away from. But being a side chick to your own life though?! Can't just walk away.

MY "ah-ha" moment that I was doing the side chick 2-step occurred one day scrolling through Instagram.

I was witnessing friends; acquaintances; celebrities; role models; etc. living their lives and I felt that emerald eyed friend start tapping on my shoulder. "Man, wish I could do that." "Wish I had a man like.." "I wish; I wish; I wish."

That's when it hit me. Everything I "wished" for I can have. Well, as soon as I start putting myself first.

I've mentioned before <Wonder Woman> how we, as women, tend to take on the world. What I failed to realize is that by us taking on the world and it's problems, we put ourselves in the backseat of our own lives.

As mothers, our kids come before anything. Their clothes, food, daycare, etc is taken care of before we begin to even think about taking care of ourselves. Initially, I was that mom. Working jobs I didn't like, putting my son in daycare when I never wanted to. What no one saw was what was happening behind the scenes. My hair was breaking, my attempt to gain weight was non-existent, I just felt like I always looked as run down as I felt. There's nothing wrong with giving your kids everything, however, there should be a balance. We give so much to our children that we tend to forget we are of no use to them if we aren't taking care of ourselves.

When in relationships, as girlfriends, wives, etc. our significant other comes before us as well. We've all done it, lost ourselves in our partner, given our all to that relationship. I lost myself to the point I became my own side chick. I allowed him to put EVERYTHING before me, including other girls. <Girl WHAT?! I know> For example, the social media argument. He would argue that complimenting other girls under their pictures and not doing the same for me wasn't a big deal because he was dating me. Attempting to understand his logic and mostly try to avoid an argument; <spoiler alert: it didn't work, we argued about this constantly> I accepted his words. Often times, we tend to accept things that don't feel right out of fear. I was more afraid of losing him, than standing up for what I deserved. I put my needs on the back burner. I sidelined myself.

More often than not, we're quick to judge someone for being the "side chick" yet, we fail to realize how easily we can fall into that same category. Not condoning infidelity, but what's worse? Personally, I felt like more of an asshole when I realized I put myself on the sideline.

It's time we stopped putting ourselves on the back burner. Our wants, desires, needs are just as important as those of everyone we take care of. Don't feel selfish when it's time to put yourself first.

It's time to stop being the side chick!!

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